Film Film & Television

gXp 5 Least Favorite Films of 2017

I know what you all must be saying. The list that was posted just recently here on gXp listing our favorite films of 2017 had ten entries; so why does the list of our least favorite films only have five entries? Well, to be honest, I don’t want to indulge in too much negativity when it comes to films. Especially when you consider that these kinds of list are always subject to our own personal points of view, our own subjective viewpoints… what we feel is entertaining and what we like and/or dislike. So, to just acknowledge that we all have differing points of view on what it means to be entertained I am only listing five entries here.

*Film synopses provided by Metacritic.com and Wikipedia.org.

Dishonorable Mentions: All Eyes on Me, Flatliners, Snatched, The Mummy, Wish Upon

5. The Dark Tower

Directed: Nikolaj Arcel
Distributed: Colombia Pictures
Genre: Fantasy, Sci-Fi
Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Claudia Kim, Fran Kranz, Abbey Lee, Katheryn Winnick, Jackie Earle Haley
Release date: August 4, 2017

Synopsis: The last Gunslinger, Roland Deschain, has been locked in an eternal battle with Walter O’Dim, also known as the Man in Black, determined to prevent him from toppling the Dark Tower, which holds the universe together. With the fate of the worlds at stake, good and evil will collide in the ultimate battle as only Roland can defend the Tower from the Man in Black.

Even if I wasn’t a fan of the book series and had some pretty high expectations for this film; even if I didn’t know anything at all about this film going in – to say that The Dark Tower was a letdown and a huge disappointment would be a rather huge understatement. Lazy action, a complete disregard for what the source material was, and a rather lackadaisical approach to what the story was supposed to be only made fans and casual moviegoers run away from this one at every turn.

4. Transformers: The Last Knight

Directed: Michael Bay
Distributed: Paramount Pictures
Genre: Action, Sci-Fi
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Josh Duhamel, Stanley Tucci, Anthony Hopkins, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker
Release date: June 21, 2017

Synopsis: Humans and Transformers are at war, Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth. Saving our world falls upon the shoulders of an unlikely alliance: Cade Yeager; Bumblebee; an English Lord; and an Oxford Professor. There comes a moment in everyone’s life when we are called upon to make a difference. In Transformers: The Last Knight, the hunted will become heroes. Heroes will become villains. Only one world will survive: theirs, or ours.

You know, there was a time where I would be a mild defender of The Transformers film series. Except for Revenge of the Fallen – that was pure animal shite. But I found some redeeming qualities in both the first Transformers film and Dark of the Moon. But after Age of Extinction it became real hard to defend the series from its critics. And now, with the release of The Last Knight… oh man, what the hell were they all thinking? This was the most convoluted and disastrous film in the series that anyone could have ever developed. Michael Bay, I don’t expect a lot from you, but that was some mega level bullshit disappointment there.

3. Geostorm

Directed: Dean Devlin
Distributed: Warner Bros. Pictures
Genre: Action, Disaster
Starring: Gerard Butler, Jim Sturgess, Abbie Cornish, Alexandra Maria Lara, Daniel Wu, Eugenio Derbez, Amr Waked, Adepero Oduye, Ed Harris, Andy García
Release date: October 20,2017

Synopsis: After an unprecedented series of natural disasters threatened the planet, the world’s leaders came together to create an intricate network of satellites to control the global climate and keep everyone safe. But now, something has gone wrong—the system built to protect the Earth is attacking it, and it’s a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide geostorm wipes out everything…and everyone along with it.

Ugh, what can you possibly expect from the guy who wrote Godzilla (1998) and produced the films Eight Legged Freaks, Cellular, Flyboys, and Independence Day: Resurgence? Yes, Dean Devlin did have some success with earlier films like Stargate, Independence Day, and The Patriot, but for the most part I have come to expect very little from him in terms of quality entertainment. As a producer, he is barely able to hit the mark – and now you let him write, produce, and direct a film like Geostorm… this was a disaster from concept to finish and if you couldn’t see the writing on the wall from the moment the first trailer dropped, you’re just plain blind.

2. Fifty Shades Darker

Directed: James Foley
Distributed: Universal Pictures
Genre: Erotic, Romance
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Rita Ora, Luke Grimes, Victor Rasuk, Kim Basinger, Marcia Gay Harden
Release date: February 10, 2017

Synopsis: While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.

As it is, what do you exactly expect when you adapt a film from a book written by a hack like E.L. James who wouldn’t know what true romance or eroticism is if a BDSM dungeon dropped right in her lap and gave her a personalized tour of the culture for a full year. But instead, we have this writer who wrote a series of books about a subject she knows nothing about and romanticized the most dangerous and abusive aspects of the BDSM culture. But even looking past that, the lazy storytelling, the horrendous acting, and the overall ridiculousness of the premise for Fifty Shades Darker is a sin that could never be forgiven. In fact, if it wasn’t for the next film on this list, Fifty Shades Darker would’ve been my least favorite film of 2017. But…

1. The Emoji Movie

Directed: Tony Leondis
Distributed: Columbia Pictures
Genre: Animated, Comedy
Starring: T. J. Miller, James Corden, Anna Faris, Maya Rudolph, Steven Wright, Jennifer Coolidge, Christina Aguilera, Sofía Vergara, Sean Hayes, Patrick Stewart
Release date: July 28, 2017

Synopsis: The Emoji Movie unlocks the never-before-seen secret world inside your smartphone. Hidden within the messaging app is Textopolis, a bustling city where all your favorite emojis live, hoping to be selected by the phone’s user. In this world, each emoji has only one facial expression – except for Gene, an exuberant emoji who was born without a filter and is bursting with multiple expressions. Determined to become “normal” like the other emojis, Gene enlists the help of his handy best friend Hi-5 and the notorious code breaker emoji Jailbreak. Together, they embark on an epic “app-venture” through the apps on the phone, each its own wild and fun world, to find the Code that will fix Gene. But when a greater danger threatens the phone, the fate of all emojis depends on these three unlikely friends who must save their world before it’s deleted forever.

What a piece of shit film The Emoji Movie turned out to be. It was a lazy concept from the start based on a pop culture form of expression that only appeals to the basest community of the overall populace. I mean, what the hell?! How did this concept get approved? Who in their right mind over at Sony thought that this film was a good idea? I mean, even my kids, who generally enjoy most films they watch that are aimed at their age group, thought this film was utter garbage. They asked me to change the disc out just twenty minutes in because they just couldn’t stand it anymore. As for I felt of it… I would rather not cross the PG-13 level I try to maintain in my writing trying to get across just how much hatred I have for this film. The Emoji Movie is not only my least favorite film of 2017, it may be my least favorite movie of all time.

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